Great American inventions, by Clyde Wilson

[Marcus Marulus]

Great American inventions, by Clyde Wilson

Decaffeinated coffee. (What’s the point?)

The hula hoop.

Political nominating conventions.

Criminal athletes.

The Celebrity, a meritless and insignificant person famous for being famous.

The Celebrity as a political force.

Purposeless voting.

Patriotic balloons.

Carnival tent religion.

Mass-produced food and patented food crops.

Mothers in combat.

Euphemisms for war: Preserving the Union, War to End All War, Police Action, Crusade for Democracy. And don’t forget Collateral Damage.

Unguarded borders to replace the population of an advanced country with a new and different population.

Rap music.

Medicine bottles that can’t be opened.

“A nation of immigrants.”

Written constitutions that judges may change at will.

Atomic bombs and nuclear warheads (with a little foreign help).

Therapeutic television (Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, etc.).

A financial system with privatised profits and socialised risks described as “free enterprise.”

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More Great American Inventions, by Clyde N. Wilson

The Book of Moroni.

Replacing the White Man’s Burden with the Multicultural Gender-Neutral Burden.

The Lincoln cult.

Politicians and journalists guaranteed to have integrity—they tell you so themselves.

Deification of “education.” Along with the belief that all students are, or can be, above average.

Disguising professional athletes as “students.”

The infomercial. (Actually, a commenter on the previous installment beat me to the punch on this, but it is worth repeating.)

Dumb Presidents. Lots of countries have corrupt Presidents, but the U.S. Republican Party invented the Dumb President.

Declaring war against invisible enemies who can never be defeated—poverty, drugs, terrorism.

University presidents and deans who neither know nor care what education should be.

Free extended medical care for illegal aliens but not for citizens.

Stock speculators, investors in government debt, and government contractors labeled as “free enterprise.”

The docudrama—televised “historical” fiction.

Crime explained as “juvenile delinquency.”

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Even More Great American Inventions, by Clyde N. Wilson

Plastic grocery bags guaranteed to spill or break.

Mass telephoning of recorded sales messages (at suppertime).

A minority group endowed with large, unprecedented privileges by law, that continues to complain of oppression by the “privileged” majority.

Advertising and government spending on welfare defined as contributions to the Gross National Product.

Professors of humanities who have no learning, no intellectual curiosity, and no interest in their subjects.

“News reporters” who can’t tell the difference between facts and feelings.
Christmas as a spending and consumption orgy.

Manufactured chewing gum (in multiple flavours).

White flight.

The cigarette, the most toxic form of tobacco use.

The pro-war bumper sticker.

Moral éclat by forcing other people into situations that one would never submit to oneself.

Presidential “debates” that are not really debates.

Libraries and bookstores filled with nonbooks.

Las Vegas.

The Easter Bunny.

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[orieleye]

Originally Posted by Arthur Gordon Pym

“A nation of immigrants.”

This is such a jarring contradiction in terms. Awful.

[Susi]

"Distortion of the definition of words"

"Irregardless"

[Marcus Marulus]

"One has to give up some of his freedoms in order to preserve freedom."

[Errigal]

Great American inventions, by Clyde Wilson
....

Political nominating conventions.

...

Nominating conventions which are held even though the winner has been chosen months before are stupid. A convention (or party conference) in which the leader is actually chosen on that day by delegates is fine with me.