Words Women Use (humour)

[Gil]

The following are definitions for words women use when replying to their
man...

"FINE"
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are
right
and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"FIVE MINUTES"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.

"NOTHING"
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an
oncoming argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'.

"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You
Will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and then she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement."Soft Sighs" mean that she
Is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay
content.

"THAT'S OKAY"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is
often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a Raised Eyebrow
"GO AHEAD." At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble.

"PLEASE DO"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

"THANKS"
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

"THANKS A LOT"
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"
When she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended
her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be
careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you
"Nothing."

[etoile noir]

dont know whether to laugh or say "that's ok"

thing is, some of these are so close to home, i.e. so close to the truth, one can hardly classify them as humour.

ok fine, call me a grumpy old woman

[Rusalka]

Originally Posted by Manji

"FINE"
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are
right
and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Yes, "fine" is a very crucial word to look for in arguments, kids. When you hear it just shut up and wait for about fifteen minutes til we start the argument again.

"FIVE MINUTES"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.

Yeah, so what? So we care about how we look. Hmph.

"NOTHING"
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an
oncoming argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'.

Who's this smartass who gives all the tips just like that? You're supposed to learn it on your own. The cheek of this person to write a user's manual!

"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

That's why one should never get Botox treatment. You lose half of your crucial sign language.

"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You
Will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and then she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

Cooling off is the key. This usually happens after taking a break and start to tidying up the place or organizing things. The mind gets a break and with the negative feeling created by the tidying up (especially if it's in the summer) finds good reason to start again. The second round usually starts with a "so, you.." or "as if..!"

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."

"THAT'S OKAY"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is
often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a Raised Eyebrow
"GO AHEAD." At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble.

Yes, very crucial. The bigger the screw up, the softer the "that's okay" would be. This gives ample opportunity for the man to feel utterly miserable and full of guilt.

"PLEASE DO"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

Chances are, after a "please do", no matter what you say it's not going to be a good explanation. Instead of explaining yourself try being cuddly and loving. But not too loving! This would infuriate the woman more and since you're being so nice, would make her think you've in fact been an asshole and god knows what you've done! Also leaves an open door for the ultimate upperhand but the ultimate upperhand usually leads to anger, and anger leads to hate. Together they lead to the Dark Side (and suffering, of course).

"THANKS"
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

Now, be fair. We actually thank very nicely. We've been known to buy presents, change our hair for you or even try a disastrous dinner.

[Siegmund]

Ah, yes, "Fine" - I know it well. One of the worst things a guy can hear, meaning essentially: "You moron."

Closely related to "Fine" is "Do what you think is right" or "You have to do what you have to do." These expressions mean only one thing: "What you are doing is utterly stupid and wrong - but I can't live your life for you. If you are really that stupid and immoral, then FINE."

At that point, if you are paying attention, you should meekly ask her what she would do in your place.

Incidentally, I have found that these rules apply in practically all meaningful male-female relationships, including friends and family - not just intimate relationships.

[Bianca]

Originally Posted by Manji

"FIVE MINUTES"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.

This is so true, my five minutes = 120 minutes!

[Ederico]

Dio Santo, I have to take note of the initial post! Should I?

[Bianca]

Originally Posted by Ederico Figallo

Dio Santo, I have to take note of the initial post! Should I?

Give me five minutes, I have to think about the answer!!! Scherzo

Yes take note of it, although, not really, I've said those things to "someone" in a totally different context

[Ederico]

We'll see.